White Knuckle Held: A Drunk Preacher’s Story?

If I cross the t’s and dot the i’s

Surely I can hide behind a few little lies?

Make others think I have it just right

Since I tell God’s truths and bring the Light?

Seems I’m on the right track and helping to lift

The people high above the maze, high above the pit

I show them the truth, God’s commandments to obey

Even delight them and myself in His Holy Days

But I won’t let go of my own sins and indiscretions

Years of holding on tight In quiet trepidation 

That I can’t release this thing that so has me bound

I cling to its ropes, wear its steel cuffs around

Wrists bloodied by the friction of serving myself

Hiding my shame, yet others I try to help

But I have so much Truth, so close to it all

Delivering the Word to God’s people as further I fall

What will I do if without repentance I find

Myself in a lake of fire burning for all time?

It seems I know so much, much more than the ancients

God’s wisdom helps maintain the illusion I’m not fakin’

Encouraging others to examine their own inventory

Resolve their weaknesses so God will get the glory

Yet I allow my own indiscretions every single day

How do I stand before God and keep a straight face?

Better find my way and make my own life right

Or a great fall awaits me in one single night

Yet it doesn’t have to be, nor end this way

A life 90% there but only to say

The bottle controlled me, it was my god

As much Truth as I knew, I never escaped the fog

Of the spell it cast on me through a whole decade

I believed its lies and yet still I prayed

“God, overlook this my sin because I preach

Holiness to others, the law THEY must keep”

The drunken delusion each night tucks me in

So tight in this bed I can’t feel my own sin

But I’ll be ok, I’ll be alright

God says we can drink at least a couple each night?

I know I can exceed, ten or more I can reach

Others can’t do that, but I’m special you see?

I can push the boundaries and slur my speech

And expect others to follow the Words that I preach

But deep down I know my behavior a hypocrisy 

One that knows no bounds, a Doc Holliday in me

I’ve had many a Wyatt try to warn and try to help

But I let the call from the bottle be stronger than their yelps

Now it’s clear to me, the message God has given

I better lick this problem to enter the new heaven

And earth God has for me in all eternity

Else the lake of fire awaits, the undying worm I’ll see

It’s not too late to change, since I still have the breath

Of life within me, I can avoid the second death

And live forever in God’s bless-ed eternity

But no one gets there on the back of hypocrisy

And what a shame and deep sorrow it would be

To look up from eternal chains at all the saved ones and see

People who rose above their indiscretions because I had helped

While to my own sins I gripped tight, man, I white knuckle held