Before we begin our discussion, I would like us to first read a scripture passage from Deuteronomy 22. For many of us, including people brought up in "traditional christian" homes, the strict guidance with regard to sexual activity may come not only as a surprise, but a shock.
You can see here that not only was an incredible value placed on virginity, but there was a high price for giving it away outside of marriage, and that price included a death penalty according to the law.
Now we live in a day and age where even heterosexual behavior outside of marriage is seen as prudish and where taking it beyond that into all sorts of wanton perversion, including incest, pedophilia, beastiality, trans, poly, etc. is the norm. Of course, all of these behaviors are forbidden as well by Leviticus chapter 20 and Satan does everything in his power to get us to do them in order that we can join him in offending God:
Sexuality is NO JOKE from God's perspective. I think back to the first time I read these passages and realized what a piece of garbage sinner I was. It was like my eyes were opened to just how diabolically evil I had been growing up, and just how evil the movies, music videos and dirty magazine I had been exposed to since my single digit years were in helping to mold me into a person who saw any type of sexuality as a natural right rather than as a bondage forming grotesque set of behaviors that were abominations to God.
I imagine that some of you, even lifelong "Christians" who have never really read the Word for yourselves are as equally surprised as I was at the high bar God has set for us in the area of sexuality. For many new Believers there is no moment of shame though, no moment where they realize, "Wow, according to God's law I should have suffered death for my behavior. I am so ashamed."
It is very clear the intention is that men and women are not supposed to be having sex outside of marriage and that we should be virgins (outside of circumstances such as when one of the participants has been widowed or was cheated on in the last marriage or for men, if they were in polygynous life long commitments). Yes, men could marry and not have to prove virginity, but the fact remains, if all women are supposed to be virgins, and fornication is forbidden as well as adultery, it stands to reason the expectation is that men should be virgins when they marry as well (sans the reasons listed above).
This means if you have an "outside of marriage" body count of one or more, without repentance, you are in sin. As alluded to before, modern scruples would say anyone with three or less is like a prude, fuddy-duddy, or goodie-two-shoes, but God sees any number higher than zero as a sin and an abomination.
Having said that, when you repent, God does run out to meet you to receive you into His kingdom and to wash your sins away in the precious blood of His Son Jesus Christ. He will forgive you and make you brand new.
But what I think many new converts don't understand, is that although you've been born again and your sins have been wiped away no more to ever be remembered, there are still consequences for our choices, and at times, God requires we still face them. Not every consequence for what we've done in our old lives from old lives goes away, even though God has forgiven us. We can definitely experience a tremendous amount of grace and forgiveness even from people in the world in these matters, but we are still responsible for our behaviors and to make things right if we can. What I'm trying to get to is, are high body count people who have repented even eligible to marry once they are born again?
I say this because I'll hear high body count people who get saved, male and female, often say, now that I'm walking with the Lord I'm ready to marry a decent person, one who is also saved and towing the line. Even new Believers saved less than six months seem to think God is going to bless them practically right away with the right awesome Believing partner, and that there are no consequences to behaviors they were involved in less than a year prior, and that the one they get should just overlook that old life and instead of getting someone who is a virgin or who has a proven track record of celibacy, that this strong Believer should just say, "You're the one! Where have you been all my life?"
It's an extreme form of entitlement that, as stated above, doesn't show any true shame for having hurt God, and one that thinks he or she is above consequences.
This is no surprise when people come into the mainline, Pauline, once-saved-always-saved, hyper grace movement Churches where they actually teach you believe that everything you've done can just get swept under the rug without any real repentance, but I have found by experience that this just isn't the case. There are consequences because they teach us not to go down that road again.
I'll give you an example of a sin outside of sexuality and see if you see what I mean. Let's imagine I was a thief and stole and diamond encrusted Rolex from a jewelry store last month. Now let's say I haven't been caught yet, but had a real saving experience with Jesus and now am genuinely saved. Does getting saved mean I don't need to turn myself in or return the stolen watch? Or, let's say a few weeks from now surveillance footage reveals my identity to the police and they come to my door to arrest me, do I get to say, "Officer, you can't arrest me, I got saved a couple of weeks ago and God forgives me of my sin so you there shouldn't be an repercussions or jail time for me since He has done so"?
You see my point. The ripple effect of that sin and its repercussions would still occur whether I've been saved or not. Now of course, God can and does show much mercy once were saved and I believe even moves on our situations and on those involved to grant us that mercy, but there could still be repercussions and I would simply have to face them.
Such is the case with becoming a Believer after leaving years of promiscuity behind where we showed absolutely no sexual discipline at all and did whatever Satan led us to do. God may require quite a period of celibacy just to reset our minds, hearts and bodies from what we did. He also may require a rather long stint of purity just to qualify you to be married to someone who also is pure. Or, God may ordain that you never marry, that the sexual sin of your past precludes you from marrying now.
In fact, this is one of the toughest questions for me: can a formerly promiscuous person who has not repented and become born again actually get a reset? What about a person who had been married prior to becoming born again, not just once but maybe two or three times and divorced for unbiblical grounds? Is that person valid to remarry just because of becoming born again? Or, would God rather such a person show their true repentance by getting control of their sexuality and living the remainder of his or her life celibate? I would imagine, in many cases, the latter.
For many people, an unwillingness to follow God without access to sex may be identifying the idol of sex in the person's heart. Jesus said we must lose our lives to save them. If you have been a sex worshipper in your past, perhaps God will make you lay sex down as you are now in service to Him. How much sex is enough anyway?
I suppose each case is a unique one that God would have to decide based on the merits, but I truly do believe there are so many high body count new Believers who just expect God will now bring them the "perfect" mate in spite of a long history of Torah death penalty warranting behavior. I feel this reaction is highly narcissistic and that all of us need to consider that the reason many of us are not married now as Believers could be the sexual behaviors of our past that disqualified us from access to the Biblical model of marriage in our futures.
Also, in the world to come there will neither be marriage nor giving in marriage, and we all shall be as the angels then not having sex ever again.
I believe such will be the case because of the dirty foul mess Satan, his demons and nearly almost all of humanity made sex into, making into an idol to put before God. There will be no more sun or moon in the world to come either, which also became objects of worship in this nasty world. God is truly hitting a reset and taking away that which was so sullied.
With that in mind, many of those who have converted to faith in the True Shepherd, our Messiah, Jesus Christ, need to put sex in that perspective in our hearts and minds. Sure, be open to God's leading with this regard, but also be clear that God would rather you let go of something if it causes you to sin than to keep it. He wants you to lose your life to save it, to pluck out your eye and chop off your hand if they cause you to sin.
The bar is very high in this regard, like 100 feet high, and most of us have been swimming in the subterranean mud in this regard. Some of us need to face the consequences of this and embrace the celibate life, sans the sin that so easily besets us, at least until we are certain God approves of our marrying. So many of us are so accustomed to letting the flesh dictate the terms of our lives in this regard that we can't hear above its hollers the still small voice of God saying, "no, not now". Time to get control of our flesh so that we may serve God first and foremost and accept His decision in this regard for the time when He says, IF He says. I pray God will strengthen us to do so in the mighty name of Jesus. A-men.
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